A Grandparent's Gift of Love Page 10

  “During those first weeks when Michelle kissed me good night and the door closed behind her I feared she was walking out of my life forever. “Why would she want to stay with a cripple!” I’d say, smacking my legs and not feeling a thing. The possibilities of what could have been and what I now had to face were eating me alive. I was never so scared and angry in my life, but a very wise man took the time to point out all the things that I was failing to see.

  “He said, “It’s easy to be courageous and optimistic when there’s nothing to fear, but the true heroes are courageous and optimistic in the face of fear.” So he introduced me to people facing the same situation I was, but they were doing it with courage. I wondered if they were delirious or just in denial, but it was neither. I spoke with a woman named Denise whose legs were crushed in a car accident. She’s here five times a week for rehab, has two young kids, and when I asked how she does it she simply said, “I found a way.” Her kids stay with their grandparents sometimes, but Denise and her husband make the sacrifices and stick together. It’s the most courageous thing I’ve ever seen. Like many of the people here, she has resolved to get better and use what she is learning from this experience to her advantage. I’ve learned a lot from Denise and the other people here, and they’ve become my friends. It has taught me that common sufferings are a stronger link than common joys. When things are good, we don’t feel the need for support. When times are tough, that’s when we create the ties that bind.

  “One evening, after my mom left the hospital brokenhearted, this man whispered the following words in my ear: “There is only one way of dealing with fate—whether you are faced with blessings or afflictions—and that is to behave with dignity. You must not lose heart, or it will worsen for you and for the ones you love. All people are born with the traits of a hero, but only by fighting the toughest battles does one’s heroism take shape.””

  Shane peered at me with his right fist clenched on the table and said, “His words struck a chord deep within me and I vowed at that moment to never be defeated. It’s easy to accept pity from others,” he confessed. “What’s hard is remaining brave when facing exceptional challenges. My legs are feeble—you can probably wrap one hand around my thigh—but they’re sensitive to temperature, and that grants me a sliver of hope, urging me to endure whatever is necessary to achieve complete recovery.”

  “So who is this wise man who enabled you to adopt this Herculean attitude?” I asked.

  Shane snapped a bite of his pickle and smiled wistfully before revealing the truth: “He’s my grandfather Earl. He fought in World War Two. He owned a convenience store that burned down and was forced to rebuild from scratch. He lived through the Great Depression, lost a son in Vietnam, and just last year his wife, my grandma, passed away. Through everything he has maintained his dignity and learned as much as he could for himself, and now for me. He’s the strongest man I know.

  “One day I will walk again,” pledged Shane. “The quote What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger never meant more to me than it does now. Not a day goes by that I wouldn’t prefer to be charging down the field with a football in my hand or strolling in the park with Michelle, but I can’t do that today. I will, however, do those things again someday. And when I do, they will taste sweeter than ever.

  “What my grandpa and the people I’ve met helped me to see are the possibilities. Initially, those were tough to notice—it’s not easy seeing beyond the limitations of this wheelchair—but I have, and now I am more resolute than ever. When one stage of life ends, another begins, and with it comes different challenges and rewards. I’ll never quit, so I’ll never be defeated, and in the end I’ll emerge a better person, and that’s a noble pursuit.”

  Shane’s tenacity is beginning to pay off. His legs can withstand pressure, and he recently took his first few steps without the support of a therapist or parallel bars. It was a milestone on his journey toward complete recovery. His parents, grandfather, and girlfriend, Michelle, were there to see it. Everyone cried and cheered. Shane has remained strong for them, and they have for him. It seems that the combination of strength and love will enable Shane to prevail and, one day, walk again. I guess a strong spirit really does conquer all.

  Inspired by ALEX VOGEL

  Remember Me?

  Will Sanford was Ashley Cartwright’s grandpa, and together they were two peas in a pod. They swung on the swings together, munched on vanilla ice cream in waffle cones together, and read stories to each other while lounging in a fishnet hammock tied between two oak trees in their backyard. They were, indeed, the best of friends. This is quite remarkable when you consider that a year earlier, they hadn’t even known each other.

  Ashley was eight years old when her grandpa was afflicted with a rare disease affecting the area of his brain controlling long-term memory. The familiar faces and wonderful times that Will Sanford had shared with his beloved granddaughter and the rest of his family vanished.

  The symptoms tediously began revealing themselves when Will started forgetting the names of people he had known all his life. When paying bills, his own address evaded him. And when driving home, he often forgot which street he lived on. The deterioration of his memory continued at a brisk pace until he awoke one day shrieking, because his very surroundings were suddenly unfamiliar. The last bit of light casting a glow on his past was sealed off forever. Will and his wife, Carol, had been staying with their daughter Melissa, and she fled to their bedroom when he cried out. “Dad, Dad,” she stammered, “what’s the matter?”

  The answer to her question was swift and severe as he gazed into her eyes and asked, “Who are you?”

  The doctor had warned the family that this day would come. But for Carol, Melissa, and the rest of Will’s family, it was a shocking and heart-wrenching realization that the man they loved suddenly didn’t recognize them.

  Instantly Will was catapulted back in time, forced to under-go the same feelings of discovery children face. He went from being an educated man who had raised two children to feeling like a youngster, naive in the ways of the world.

  Carol and Melissa showered Will with love. They took him to areas in the neighborhood he had been a thousand times, and played his favorite music, hoping to ignite the memories they felt were buried somewhere deep in the caverns of his subconscious. But to Will, life was a sudden mystery. At fifty-five, he was just being introduced to the world when he should have already possessed a lifetime of experiences.

  Melissa delicately explained to her daughter, Ashley, what had happened to her grandpa. “So he’s learning new things just like I am,” Ashley exclaimed.

  “That’s right,” replied Melissa. “Grandpa learned a lot, but all the memories that were stored in his brain got lost. Even the way he recognizes you as his granddaughter disappeared somewhere. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you; it just means he lost the ability to recognize the people he loves.”

  “So we just have to start over again, right, Mom?” Ashley said with confidence.

  “What do you mean, honey?”

  “I don’t remember when, but there was a time when I learned to love Grandma and Grandpa. Now we have to make sure Grandpa can learn to love us.” Spontaneously, Melissa’s eyes were soggy with tears and she graciously wrapped her arms around her daughter.

  “Each person should continue living life normally,” the doctor said. “It’s the best way to introduce Will to an unfamiliar world, while keeping everyone else engaged in familiar activities.” Upon hearing the doctor’s advice, Ashley quickly scribbled down a list of the things she and her grandpa had enjoyed doing together. She wanted to introduce him to each of them again, for the first time.

  It was promptly apparent that Ashley would be the one to arouse her grandpa’s curiosity and reduce his fears of the unknown. Her inquisitive nature inspired Will to take the plunge and reacquaint himself with foods, places, and people that he had loved for a lifetime.

  One by one Ashley went down the list of
things they enjoyed doing together. The feeling was bittersweet when they splurged on vanilla ice cream in waffle cones for the first time. Will loved the frosty smooth texture of the ice cream and the crunch of the crisp cone, but it was a reminder of all the memories that faded away—the other times he had shared a waffle cone with his granddaughter, the Christmases they’d spent together, and his younger years. Even the memories of his life with Carol, their wedding, and the years spent raising a family together were erased from his memory.

  Perhaps the hardest part was that Will could no longer teach Ashley about important life lessons because, like her, he was learning them for the first time. He couldn’t dip into the memories of what things were like when he was a child because in a unique way, he was experiencing childhood all over again. The opportunity for them to continue a normal grandparent—grandchild relationship had been stripped away and this affected Ashley’s mother, Melissa, terribly. She remembered how things were before Will lost his memory and how Ashley had learned many poignant lessons about life from her grandpa.

  Within a few months, however, Melissa began noticing the beauty blossoming in the new relationship between Will and Ashley; the delight they shared when discovering something new, from amusement park rides to visiting the Grand Canyon. For both of them, life was fresh, bursting with animation.

  The broken hearts in Will’s family may never completely mend, but they pore through old photo albums with him, looking for a glimmer of recollection and introducing him to his past life. “He deserves to know the people in these pictures,” they say, “and his family and friends deserve to be reintroduced to him.”

  Understanding that Will has no memory of his past is especially hard for Melissa because they were so close. She now feels that the precious memories the two of them shared together are permanently lost.

  Melissa understands that she can’t change the past or bring it back to life, so she seeks solace in the budding relationship between Will and Ashley and seeing her parents slowly begin to fall in love all over again. She knows that at least these memories will remain in the heart and mind of her father, forever.

  Inspired by MELISSA SAMUELS

  CHAPTER SIX

  NOWING HOW TO LEARN FROM LIFE

  Making the most of every experience by reflecting on our mistakes and being aware of each step we take on the road to fulfillment

  Too many of us are in a constant hurry. We scramble from one activity to the next, often unaware of the direction we’re heading and seeking comfort in the belief that if we’re busy, we must be doing something right. What we need to do is stop and acquaint ourselves with where we are, how we got there, and then ask, Am I happy? In these stories people have pondered such questions, receiving answers that have altered the course of their lives.

  A Time of Discovery

  Did you ever lie on the cool grass at night and gaze in wonder at the twinkling stars? Reaching up, trying to grasp them with your hands?

  I have always been fascinated with astronomy. My grandpa, whom we called Grandpa Jack, was a retired navy man and spent many nights staring at the stars and studying their formations. He taught me how the moon’s gravity affects the ocean tides and the theory of the planets forming from an immense cloud of gas and vapor. The vivid imagery Grandpa Jack used in telling his stories made me feel as if I were there, floating in space or aboard the Santa Maria when Columbus discovered America. These true tales inspired my fascination with outer space, ancient sea voyages, and the discovery of new worlds and planets.

  On my fourteenth birthday Grandpa Jack presented me with a savings bond and Darwin’s Origin of Species. I couldn’t help but think, Thanks for the book, Grandpa, but I would have preferred cash instead of a savings bond. I can’t buy a pizza with a savings bond. What I did do, however, four years later, was cash in that bond and use it for part of my tuition at MIT. I was going there to study physics and the farthest reaches of outer space.

  Upon my acceptance into college, Grandpa Jack presented me with another gift—a relic that had stood proudly on his desk during his service in the navy. It was a bronze telescope he had purchased from an antiquities vendor in Europe forty years earlier. It was something I’d always admired, and although it didn’t work well anymore, it still reminded me of the ambitious stargazers from centuries ago. They were true pioneers, exploring the unknown and hoping to expand humankind’s knowledge of the universe. I possessed a burning desire to do the same.

  I took the telescope to my bedroom, holding it in my hands and studying it as I had done so many times in the past. The bronze shimmered brightly in some places, but other areas were dull and faded. It was riddled with indentations and mounted on a two-inch oaken base with the word EXPLORE engraved on a bronze plaque bolted to the front. The scope squeaked slightly during adjustments, and the grip on the knobs was worn down like an old tire. I owned a modern telescope, of course, but this was a part of history and would be my most treasured possession in my room at MIT.

  As I sat contemplating all the changes I would encounter within the next few months, Grandpa Jack knocked hastily on my door. He always knocked three times with the same amount of pressure and speed, so I knew it was him.

  “Come on in,” I shouted. He meandered in and smiled when he saw me hunkered in my chair, the telescope cradled in my hands.

  “I’ve got something else for you,” he said. “It’s something I picked up the same time I bought that telescope. I always had a fascination with the stars, and the first line of what I am about to give you compelled me to buy it. As the years passed it became a beacon for how to live my life. Like me, you love to explore, and now you’re about to embark on a new exploration in your own life. You’ll discover many new things about yourself on this journey. What I’m about to give you isn’t a road map; rather, it’s a guiding light.”

  Grandpa Jack handed me a scroll of crusty old parchment paper. I held it up to my nose—it was musty, like the pages of an aged book that hadn’t been opened in decades. On each end was a hand-carved chestnut-colored wooden handle. “I’ll leave you alone to discover what’s inside,” he said softly, obviously satisfied that he’d just given me an important element of his past.

  My back was to the door when I heard it close behind me, and I gently unrolled the scroll on my desk, the paper crinkling as I expanded it. The edges were frayed and the writing was in calligraphy. Following is what was written.

  The Trials of Life

  Stars shine brightest in the darkest nights. Diamonds are formed through constant pressure. Gold radiates the greatest shine after it’s been scoured. Spices smell the sweetest after they have been pounded. Success comes only after a great deal of sustained effort.

  Those people who live without facing life’s trials will die never having lived. It is only by struggling, fighting for what we believe in, that we know we are truly alive. The satisfaction of the struggle and subsequent reward is the greatest joy in the world.

  Opposition is not our enemy, it is our friend. This premise holds true in man as well as nature. The acorn is not an oak tree when it sprouts. It must endure long summers and fierce winters. The oak will only grow mighty battling fierce snowstorms, heavy rains, and side-striking winds. These elements of nature are rough, but they force the oak to grow stronger. In life, we can look for the easy road or blaze our own path. Those who take the road less traveled will encounter rough teachers, but they will emerge robust pupils.

  A man is not a man when he is born; his life has only just begun. The same goes for a woman. The strength of manhood and womanhood comes through the years and trials they face during that time. In war, who does the general select for some challenging endeavor? He chooses the soldier who he knows will not flinch in the face of danger.

  In all of us, there are desires waiting to be fulfilled. Remember that within you there is a battle raging: the fight between staying focused on your dreams and the temptation to succumb to immediate gratification. You cannot expect to s
trive for a professional position and live a life of leisure. You cannot expect to be healthy and indulge in rich foods. To live for your immediate desires and expect to achieve your long-term dreams is to ask for the impossible.

  You can see it anywhere in the world—people who have achieved fantastic success. What is rarely ever seen is the amount of effort and sacrifice that was involved in their early years. You cannot get the reward without risk and hard work. But if you ask anyone who has achieved above-average success, they will say the sacrifice was a small price to pay for the feeling of great accomplishment.

  As you go forward this day, believe in yourself. March to your own drummer. If you break with tradition and separate yourself from the crowd, you will stand alone for a time. But if you persist and hold steadfast to your beliefs, the crowd will join you and you will emerge the leader.

  Today is your day. Go forth and do not look to step in the footprints of those who have gone before you—they may have gone the wrong way. Make your own footprints and blaze a trail for people to follow you.

  After reading that scroll, I sat there thinking about life. I realized that as we go through life, every day is a process of discovery and exploration—the same as looking into outer space. The stargazer studies formations, hoping to find patterns that have some profound meaning. In life, we must do the same. What patterns and choices lead to happiness and satisfaction? Like the planets that humankind has not detected yet, there are points in each of our lives we have yet to discover.

  I am nearing forty years old now. That bronze telescope and parchment scroll have been with me for half my life. Each morning, before I embark on the challenges and excitements of a new day, I read “The Trials of Life.” It reminds me that each day should be relished and enjoyed, but that I should also remain on guard. Challenges and opportunities arise quickly, and I must be swift to slay the challenges and expeditious in seizing the opportunities.